[SpEd], by Scott Jensen

[SpEd]

by Scott Jensen

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1.	Behindhand 01:41	lyrics	buy track
We walked together down crack-ridden sidewalks. As we moved the weeds that grew through the concrete brushed the ends of our shoes. It didn’t take long to notice that I had a limp in one leg. Your eyebrow rose every time my weight went down; I think someone snuck a thumbtack between my sole and sock. We’d laugh before I winced and I’d wince before we’d laugh. It was always an equal count, just shuffled up so sometimes it looked better –or worse- than it was. But it was always split up equally. The sidewalks twisted and turned, until it forked down the middle. You went your way and I went mine. It wasn’t until I was walking alone when I realized that half of the time I was being myself, the other half I was reacting to pain. As the blood slid between my toes I wished my realization would have come sooner, it may have made our walk a little better. Maybe tipped the scales to the side of laughter. But great epiphanies never really seem to come on time.
2.	Want 02:39	lyrics	buy track
Who wants something simple and real? Like kissing on a park bench. Who wants good and pure? Not me anyhow. The streetlight match was made like a hot knife through air, Like a summer night serenade drenched in cheap beer sweat and spent lottery tickets. She barely knows my name But it's not like we're any bigger than a distraction from the surrounding world. We've got no idea of the small things like how the other did in high school Or where our most noticeable scars came from but we're both trying to not give a damn. We dance like shadow puppets cast from a hand full of broken fingers, Just like five card stud all luck of the draw. Miles from the first-date-glow where everything is shining and new we grab each other and touch passed the tan lines, forcibly finding way to lose our virginity for the four dozenth time. We do what we have to right? Like eating trucker speed and white-washing our own self-delusions until our consciences blink on and off like the second letter on this motel's no vacancy sign. Whatever it takes to out-last another weekend and kill the twisting pain that is our deep down urge for the simple and real. We try to make the inborn hunger pains shut the hell up so we can find some damn peace, no matter how far the glow wandered away from us or how sticky and humid these undying and suffocatingly hot summer midnights throw themselves across our tired tattooed skin. We read the directions back to ourselves, spit on the words and rub the letters Until the ink blurs into something other than solid and legible. We want to be complacent with our bronze metal and feel the third place victory as sweet as the lies we pantomime forth and back into the mirror because, in the end we want more than anything to simply stop wanting. So here we go, deep breath and honest eyes. Game face through everything, every single time... After all who wants good and pure? Not me anyhow.
3.	Life Broke Out 01:15	lyrics	buy track
The back of my head rested on the concrete wall behind us. We sat where the sidewalk met the bricks and bits of grass grew through to reach for the sun that had just gone down. “If the whole reason you started playing music was to get girls, why did you decide to play Bass?” I smiled slowly like I was waiting to hear a punchline. She blew out one last lung of smoke and drew a black line with the ash between the two of us. “Did you just plan on standing quietly on the side of the stage until I showed up and swept you off your feet?” She smiled fast and slyly like she had a hundred times tonight. Her bottom lip was swollen from my biting it just as frequently. She slid her fingers into mine and whispered “Let’s go buy a couple of records we’ve never heard and memorize every note until we fall asleep on your living room floor.” She came from nowhere like God and Punk rock made a person. Like street art and honest love poetry. Like grass growing through concrete; life broke out.
4.	An Inoffensive Synonym For Deaf 00:35	lyrics	buy track
I miss you like the broken fury of a thousand autumn afternoons Like the smell of dead firewood and the taste of cigarettes on the underbelly of a burning sunset I miss you like the defiant cry of being young and drunk Like the touch of wrinkled cotton and the site of windows fogged in the passenger seat of my ex girlfriend’s SUV I miss you like I never got sober Like the credits never rolled Like I still have reasons to write you I miss you like I haven’t seen you every day
5.	Rewind 02:10	lyrics	buy track
We sat in the car after dark and rewound songs that made it impossible to not kiss each other. I saw streetlight sing across her perfect skin when she asked me if I would remember that night when I got old. I said that I would and kissed her again. It's taken some time to figure it out but it turns out I was right.
6.	Not Enough For Stitches 02:03	lyrics	buy track
My first real relationship was with a girl almost a foot shorter than me. At fifteen years old I'd conquered the world and won the heart of the hottest girl in the room. I learned a lot from those days. Like how to kiss, how to forgive, how to forget and how to take a hit. By seventeen I gaslit myself into a definition of man and gained intimate knowledge of what my own blood tasted like. I was nineteen when we broke up because I couldn't get over how she banged my friend and some other guy from the mall. We never talked about all the times she hit me. I had to be a real man.
7.	A Hundred Words (Or Less) 02:11	lyrics	buy track
A hundred words (or less) for every life I’ve lived on every piece of asphalt scattered across every shade of these busted realities. A hundred words for the times wasted, for the sunsets I ignored, for the late shifts and the nights when I fell asleep drunk. A hundred words for the days I lived, for slow dances made, for records played and every set of arms I lived and died in. A hundred words (or less) for every life I’ve lived on every piece of asphalt scattered across every shade of these busted realities. I’ve loved you every time.
8.	Approximately 3,650 Chances To Reflect 01:58	lyrics	buy track
Forgive me for a second, I'm trying to string together the parts of my memory that age wants to keep from me. One night, after we realized that our relationship was done, I walked over to your house right when the sun was setting. We didn't say much of anything, only sat sharing cigarettes until the sun went down. Just you and I, being there. I'm sorry. Sorry it took me so long to just shut up and be your friend. I wish it was something I'd got the knack of before we fell in love. We could have skipped out on my passive aggression and done something better than gapping up this last decade.

about

This album is a work in progress and a labor of love. I record all everything myself and use public domain music with freeware loops and samples. Some of my friends have offered their musical help in the future and I'll be sure to give them credit when they do. Thank you for listening, if you want to buy any (or all of these tracks) for how ever much you want I would realllly appreciate it you'd be helping keep me drowning in coffee!